You have my sincerest apologies, all. I fear I’ve neglected you in favor of creating a knitted monstrosity.
It’s currently attempting to devour my bedroom.
Well, well, well. It would seem as though I’m no longer alone here.
By: Dara Katz
Drop a small object. Reach down for small object, and never come back up.
Sneeze in assailant’s face with magician’s fire.
Respond to assailant’s statement with: “And how do you feel about that?”
Repeatedly strike assailant’s ulnar nerve (funny bone) to cause a most peculiar and uncomfortable sensation.
Suggest the two of you dine at a not-so-great but overly priced restaurant.
Dive from cliff—whether or not you are near a cliff. (tricky)
Feign your death.
Feign assailant’s death (trickier).
Suggest you take a walk to a cliff and proceed to dive from it.
Open your trench coat to reveal a lining composed strictly of roadkill you’ve collected.
Explain you’re not from this “time” and jump as high as you can into wormhole above your head. (trickiest)
Request assailant to shut his or her mouth.
Literally side-step locus where the conversation is taking place, pat the chap on the bum, and run swiftly and forever away.